Jun 24, 2014 Say hello to my little friend
Today I had lunch with an old friend. For about two years, I saw the dude pretty much every other week, and we went to museums, art shows, art book fairs, and a lot of my favorite places around L.A. Sounds cool, right? And did I mention that he was an elementary school kid whose family was coming out of homelessness and lacked resources, stability, and male role models?
Like Ice Cube, I never considered myself to be a role model. But a few years ago my wife suggested that we attend an information meeting about Imagine L.A., a nonprofit group that matches families in need with people who want to help. When the boy selected me out of everyone in the room as a prospective mentor, I said sure. It would just be hanging out on a regular basis and not dealing with budgeting, life coaching, or anything heavy like what the other team members would do. How hard could one year of that be?
Pretty hard, actually. I found out that it typically takes almost an entire year to build trust with a mentee. Making things more difficult, my new pal was painfully shy and uncommunicative. I quickly learned not to expect a lot of conversation, and started taking a sketchbook with us everywhere we went. Even though we didn’t talk much, at least we could draw together at museums, the zoo, and other places that were inexpensive or free to get into. (He would also be able to keep the book with sketches, places, and dates at the end of our year.)
I was a low-budget mentor. I usually packed a water bottle and some crackers, fruit, or other healthy stuff that he didn’t really like. We never went to theme parks or went shopping, and the only gift shop we visited was at UCLA. But I also provided access that not everyone had. My friend got behind-the-scenes tours at the Norton Simon and Chinese American Museum from my buddies Jack Long and Steve Wong, respectively, while another pal Brian Flynn took a break from his installation at the Toy Art Gallery on Melrose to explain his work. The little dude met a ton of indie artists and entrepreneurs at the Art Book Fair, too. I hope they made an impression on him–not necessarily to pursue arts but to be creative no matter what he winds up doing and to follow a path that he loves.
Every day wasn’t necessarily awesome. We went on a few hikes, which were more like death marches to him. And many afternoons were spent at the library, going over homework and then playing cards or backgammon. But I think that having pretty good regular days is really important–even if those aren’t the ones people take pictures of.
Our group’s time with the family was extended to two years and I’d be lying if I said that resulted in a breakthrough moment in which he started sharing his hopes and fears or even just said, “Thanks, that was really fun!” But he always seemed pretty happy when I picked him up at school or busted him out of daycare, and it was a pleasure to share key parts of my hometown: Griffith Park, Dodger Stadium, Porto’s, Little Tokyo… At the end of two years, my group took part in a ceremony to close out our formal relationship with the family. I received a note from my mentee thanking me for taking him to the observatory, art shows, and everything else.
But even today, I’m unsure of what good I did. The others in the team have chosen to continue their relationship with the family and see them more than ever. Me? My schedule isn’t as flexible or open as it used to be and I can’t commit to seeing my friend regularly. Besides catching up, one goal of today’s lunch was to make sure he doesn’t feel abandoned by me or that our time spent together isn’t tainted by my stopping when everyone else kept going. Yikes.
Volunteering isn’t as simple as it seems. It isn’t as instantly fulfilling as one might expect. I may never see my influence or impact on the kid that I spent so much time with. But it does make me appreciate what I have–the family and friends that helped out all along, as well as the parts of my city and life that I want to share–and if I conveyed some of that, I think it will make a difference.
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