Sep 19, 2011 Playing Strategic Marketing Mad Libs with Netflix’ Mea Culpa
Dear (PROPER NAME),
I messed up. I owe you an explanation.
It is clear from the (PLURAL NOUN) over the past (AMOUNT OF TIME) that many (MARKET SEGMENT) felt we lacked respect and humility in the way we announced the separation of (MEDIA PLATFORM) and (ANOTHER MEDIA PLATFORM) and the (BUSINESS MODEL). That was certainly not our intent, and I offer my (ADJECTIVE) apology. Let me explain what we are doing.
For the past five years, my greatest (DENOMINATOR OF INSECURITY) at (YOUR BUSINESS NAME) has been that we wouldn’t make the leap from success in (MEDIA PLATFORM) to success in (ANOTHER MEDIA PLATFORM). Most companies that are great at something – like (SHITTY OUTDATED COMPANY) or (ANOTHER SHITTY OUTDATED COMPANY) – do not become great at new things people want (YOUR SHITTY SERVICE). So we moved quickly into (MEDIA PLATFORM), but I should have (ADVERB) given you a full explanation of why we are (VERB, GERUND) the services and thereby increasing (BOTTOM LINE VARIABLE). It wouldn’t have changed the (BOTTOM LINE VARIABLE) increase, but it would have been the right thing to do.
So here is what we are doing and why.
Many members love our (YOUR BUSINESS), as I do, because nearly every (MEDIA) ever made is published on (PLATFORM). (PLATFORM) is a great (NOUN) for those who want the (ADJECTIVE) and (ADJECTIVE) selection of (MEDIA).
I also love our streaming service because it is integrated into my (PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY), and I can watch anytime I (VERB). The benefits of our streaming (PERFORMANCE NOUNE) are (ADVERB) (ADVERB) different from the (POSITIVE NOUN) of (PLATFORM) by (DELIVERY SYSTEM). We need to focus on (SPEED DESCRIPTION) improvement as streaming technology and the market (VERB), without maintaining compatibility with our (SERVICE) service.
So we (VERB, PAST TENSE) that streaming and DVD by mail are really becoming two different businesses, with very different cost (PLURAL NOUN), that need to be marketed differently, and we need to let each (VERB) and (VERB) (ADVERB).
It’s hard to write this after over 10 years of mailing DVDs with (EMOTION), but we think it is necessary: In a few weeks, we will rename our DVD by mail service to “(THE LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF)”. We chose the name (THE LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF) because it refers to (A SEMEME OF THE LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF). We will keep the name “(NAME OF YOUR BUSINESS)” for streaming.
There are no (BOTTOM LINE VARIABLE) changes (we’re done with that!). If you subscribe to both services you will have two entries on your (BILLING METHODOLOGY), one for (THE LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF) and one for (YOUR BUSINESS NAME). The total will be the same as your current charges. We will let you know in a few weeks when the (THE LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF DOT COM) website is up and ready.
For me the (SYNECDOCHAL SYMBOL OF YOUR COMPANY) has always been a source of joy. The new (SYNECDOCHE) is still that lovely (ASPECT OF SYNECDOCHE), but now it will have a (LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF) logo. I know that logo will grow on me over time, but still, it is (ADJECTIVE). I imagine it will be similar for many of you.
I want to acknowledge and thank you for sticking with us, and to apologize again to those members, both current and former, who felt we treated them thoughtlessly.
Both the (THE LAMEST NAME YOU CAN THINK OF) and (YOUR BUSINESS NAME) teams will work hard to (VERB) your (INTANGIBLE ASSET). We know it will not be (AMOUNT OF TIME). Actions (VERB) louder than (PLURAL NOUN). But (PLURAL NOUN) help people to understand (PLURAL NOUN).
(ADVERB) yours,
-(YOUR NAME), Co-Founder and CEO, (YOUR BUSINESS)
p.s. I have a slightly longer explanation along with a video posted on our blog, where you can also post comments.